It’s official… I’ve reached my “late thirties” and it’s not so much an exageration to say “I’ll be 40 soon”. This last year I have spent the most time around my grandmothers than any other point in my life, aside from early childhood when family gatherings with the cousins happened regularly. Last spring my dad’s mother passed, and I had happened to spend a weekend with her in her home a few months prior— something I hadn’t done in almost ten years. Her spirit was light, she enjoyed food and company, and her sorrows were about her children. She expressed many times how happy it made her to see me, saying that she only wished I’d brought my siblings with me. She kept saying how much she loves me and how beautiful I am. I feel deeply grateful and blessed to have spent that time with her before her passing. This reunion was only possible by God’s grace and his hand in my reconciling with my dad, who frequently made visits to Tijuana where she lived and happened to invite me that weekend.
My favorite memory from that visit was probably watching my grandma excitedly pick elote off from the table after she had knocked it over. Not two minutes before were her daughters (my tias) scolding her for tasting the corn with salsa and mayo in it, proclaiming that eating such greasy and spicy food would not be healthy for her. I learned that weekend that my abuelita, at age 94, had been on many heart medications, and was pre-diabetic for a long time. Besides some other gastrointestinal and eyesight issues, my grandma was rather healthy considering her age. She was able to dress and bathe herself and prepare simple meals, although most of the time there was at least one of her ten children checking in on her in her home, which she resided in for almost 50 years. Her husband, my abuelito, passed about ten years ago (due to health-related causes I’m not sure about). She talked about how much she missed him and wants to see him again.
My abuelita Elvira believed in God, and her heart belonged to Jesus Christ. She got marrried very young, and although I wasn’t very familiar with her upbringing or early marriage, she did talk about how she was infatuated with my grandpa, always wanting his attention. I think the ten children were a testament to that, at least partially. I recall a cousin sharing that she had once asked our grandma why she continued to have children even though they were already struggling, and that my grandma just responded by saying “I was young, I didn’t think about it”.
As I’ve shared already, I came to my faith in Jesus Christ in early 2025 and was baptized by my uncle (on my mom’s side) in August of 2025 after reading and studying the bible for about one year. My uncle lives in a small ranching town in Mexico, where my mom’s family (particularly by way of her father) has lived for many generations. Since reconnecting with that side of the family I have also spent more time with my abuelita Brenda, whom i am named after. I think my relationship with my grandma has been complicated by my own confusing relationship with my mother. Over the years, I have found it difficult to relate with my abuelita, not really sure how to talk to her or treat her, considering that growing up, it was evident to me that my mother had a very cold and distant relationship with her mother.
When I began to frequently visit my family in Mexico, I took my boyfriend’s advice to prepare a list of questions to ask my grandparents when I had time with them, things like: what was my mom like as a kid? what is your favorite meal to prepare? What is the first thing you noticed about my grandpa when you met? What is your favorite memory of your siblings? My boyfriend Jesus is the best “people person” I know, a true extrovert with a heart of gold, so his advice was like precious gemstones to me. Having these questions in mind made it much easier to pass time with my abuelita.
She was very receptive to my inquiries. She told me about how important providing an education was to her children. I got to understand how much she loved hosting, hospitality, entertaining, and visiting, especially with her siblings— she was also an extrovert. She loves the color yellow. Both my grandparents know the art of the “platica” which is the small town tradition of sitting around the porch and chit-chatting. I became painfully aware that this is not a skill I’ve developed, thought I could hide the fact that small-talk is not my thing with my poor Spanish fluency. It seemed to be the biggest disappointment to my abuelito that I had little if anything to contribute to the conversations that happened on the patio throughout the day.
As I ponder on the grandness of their current ages— 86 and 82– I can’t help but feel motivated to consider seriously the habits I am building now and how just as the last 20 years have paved a well-worn path into the patterns that make up my being today, similarly the routines I frequent as a woman in her 30s write the prologue to what I pray will be the apex of my old age, should God Almighty will it. So what habits from my twenties are the foundation of my life today?
manage money wisely
work hard at my passions
alone time with nature is restoring
God is always with you (and everyone else)
And what habits do I want to hold the keys to my next decade of life?
consistent movement is restoring
a steady nervous system is powerful
I can forgive easily
be a disciplined disciple of Jesus Christ
Lord, thank you for the gift of life and family generations. Thank you for opening my eyes this year to the importance of deliberately breaking agreement with false, self-limiting beliefs that have been passed down, and thank you for the courage and strength to take small steps today so that someday, if it’s your will, my children can write a different story about their relationship with their mother, one that is full of warmth, love, and self-sacrifice, and without harm and distance. May it be your will God that the person reading this is blessed with reconciliation in their own family. I pray that your wisdom reaches all of us that are struggling with their relationship with their mothers, and through the teachings of your Son Jesus we may grow in our understanding and capacity to love and forgive one another as you have loved and forgiven us. I pray in the precious name of Jesus, Amen.